Write 600,000 words in Lily, teach 20,000 people "punch", when a woman escapes from a traditional family

Write 600,000 words in Lily, teach 20,000 people “punch”, when a woman escapes from a traditional family

#Write #words #Lily #teach #people #punch #woman #escapes #traditional #family

Editor’s note: This article is from the WeChat public account “Houlang Institute” (ID: youth36kr), the authors: Bing You’er, Weiweizi, 36氪 published with authorization.

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About one-quarter of women of all ages in the world have experienced intimate partner violence; if non-intimate partner violence is included, about one-third of women aged 15 and over in the world have experienced at least one episode in their lifetime Violence or physical violence.

These are the two key data in a research report on “Violence against Women” published by the World Health Organization in March.

In China, about one in five families has domestic violence.

Gender-based violence is so common, people are also saying no in various ways. We interviewed one of them.

“My first profession is Baihewen’s web essay author, my second profession is divorce, coming out consultation, and my third profession is breaking up with violence and third-party intervention.” This is Yang Yuanli’s description of herself.

Yang Yuanli and her son

At the age of 26, under an unclaimed pen name, she began to write Baihewen “Shougongsha” in Jinjiang Literature City. Princess Pingyang Zhao, a female general hurriedly led by the official history, is full of strategy and gallop in her writing;

At the age of 32, she began to formally learn martial arts, has learned a variety of different fighting skills, once used force to subdue a heavyweight man of 1.8 meters, and posted female self-defense teaching videos on social networks;

After ending her “dog blood” divorce battle, at the age of 35, she started a divorce consulting business to help women who wanted to escape from a violent marriage but were unable to escape to gain control. After 6 years, she has helped nearly a hundred people The women divorced smoothly and got a share of the family property.

Aggression is a clear clue in her, and she is also happy to talk about it. “Once a woman shows offensiveness, others will ask her why and try to understand. I don’t think this matter needs to be understood, just accept it.”

What is not written in the official history, let me make up

I am from Gansu and grew up in a small village. I lived with my grandmother when I was about three to ten years old.

My grandfather lost his eyes when he was in his 30s, so grandma tried her best to pick up all the livelihoods of the family. It was before the liberation. Grandma made her fortune and became rich. She was very prestigious in the local area and had a wide network of people. There were many people willing to listen to her.

When I was a child, I was always spoiled by her, and I was a little bully. She made me feel that it is very natural for a woman to be a leader.

After returning to my parents, I came into contact with the so-called “patriarchy”. My mother’s family has always wanted her to have a son, and she has been having children, but in the end she did not give birth to a son. Now we have three sisters. My dad belongs to a domestic violence man who has no skills and wants to be an uncle at home. There will always be a joke at home.

In my early twenties, I was already at the age of “should get married” in a small village. In order to leave my original family as soon as possible, I also introduced that I got married in a vague way.Although I left Ji Fei Gou Tiao’s home, I soon discovered that this “new home” was not much better than the original one. It could be said that “just got out of the tiger’s den and entered the wolf’s den”.

My ex-husband knows my abilities, so he will ask me to help him with many things, from dealing with interpersonal relationships to writing test papers. I don’t think these are big problems, so I did it, but the problem is that after I have done so many things for him, he hopes that I can give him face and be able to care for him, saying that I am unruly and rebellious all day long. Not like a woman.

But I was not born with such a submissive character, so the quarrel between us has never stopped. I couldn’t stand it after three or four years of marriage, and started to mention divorce. But at that time my mother passed away, and my ex-husband also gave some money. It happened that I found out that I was pregnant again, so I temporarily put aside the divorce plan.

A few months after the child was born, I started my first 600,000-word novel in Jinjiang at the age of 26.

I was reading local legends when I read about Princess Pingyang Zhao, the protagonist of my first novel. Her experience of fighting with Turks in Taiyuan awakened me, so I went to find more stories about her.

After searching, it was found that only such a princess was recorded in the official history, and most of the other deeds only exist in folklore and local chronicles. I don’t understand why such an influential princess has only a few pens left in history.

Feeling frustrated, I decided to write a novel about her myself. At that time, I connected all the historical records that I could find, including folklore and local chronicles, and focused on strategic battlefields. Following the historical context of Princess Zhao of Pingyang, I wrote a modern woman who traveled to that era with the princess. A story of emotional development in a war scene.

At that time, I had no other job besides taking care of my son. I basically wrote at the pace of daily change. I didn’t even think about getting hot, I just wanted to finish it. About a year or so, I finished “Shougongsha”. It was only after I finished writing that I discovered that this novel was very popular in the lily (lesbian) circle of Jinjiang. Basically everyone knew that there was at least one on the Jinjiang list at that time. My name is on the 4-5 lists, and it has naturally become my masterpiece.

When writing this novel, I found quite a few female military talents who were not recorded in official history. In the official history, only one Qin Liangyu took a place. That was because the emperor wrote a poem to praise her, and the historian could not avoid it. The life deeds of other women are basically “someone’s wife”, plus some wind and snow, if you don’t dig out, you don’t know how many earth-shocking things she has done.

Not long after writing the novel, I put divorce on the agenda again. At that time, none of my relatives in my family supported me. They all felt that girls should maintain the family well. Although getting along was unpleasant, the ex-husband did not agree to the divorce.

There was a lot of blood in the divorce battle between me and him. It took more than a year from the first time I failed to appeal the divorce to the final divorce agreement. Before the divorce by agreement, my ex-husband tried to do me a few times without success, so he started a variety of text messages insults and switched to the stalker mode, often coming home by himself without my permission. At the beginning, I didn’t want to argue with him too fiercely in front of the child, but he thought he had caught the handle, and he became more and more arrogant.

After I changed the door key, he came to me to cause trouble again. At that time, I couldn’t bear it, so I turned my face on him, scolded him and beat him again. It was only then that it was basically resolved, and a divorce agreement was later reached.

I also told my son little by little. My son was only five or six years old at the time, and some things needed more concrete examples to understand him, but I kept saying,In fact, a child can understand everything, you just need to tell him the facts.

Later, I took my children to Lanzhou, the provincial capital of Gansu, and have lived till now.

Once a woman shows offensiveness, others will ask her why

When I was a teenager, I started to practice flexibility and agility by myself, and I started lifting iron in my twenties. It’s not like it, I just care if it’s useful for me.

Many people have asked me why I started to practice martial arts. This question actually embarrassed me. In fact, there is no special reason. I just want to practice. If a boy is interested in practicing, he probably won’t be asked this question.

After the formal divorce, after moving to Lanzhou with the children, there is a martial arts gym next to my home. These martial arts resources were not accessible in small cities before. Before, I could only learn some taekwondo and other things by myself following videos on the Internet. By 12 or so, at the age of 32, I began to practice martial arts systematically, and learned Sanda and Muay Thai successively. Because I don’t play competitive games. After I have practiced to a certain level, I want to change things to learn. At this time, I came into contact with the practical Maga and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. When there is a conflict with people, I can use these two skills very well. Get rid of each other easily.

In the first actual combat without protective gear, I overpowered a 1.8-meter heavyweight man who was much fatter than me. At that time, I was in the front row of a bus. Just after a game, I heard that a man and a woman in the back row were arguing because they were robbing seats, cursing. I was very impatient to hear it. I just wanted to yell “I want to noisy and get out of the car.” Before I could speak, I heard an exclamation from behind.

Looking back, the man was hitting the fifteen or sixteen-year-old girl, and no one in the cart went up to help, so I rushed up. , Grabbing his collar from behind while he was unprepared, grabbed him by the neck after picking it up.

After holding it down, all the people in the car were in chaos, and the man was also dumbfounded, and he didn’t fight back at all. After letting him go, he got out of the car. Everyone should call the police and continue their own affairs.

When I told others about this later, they were very surprised and didn’t know how I did it. But in fact, there is a basic common sense in fighting. The biggest difference between ordinary people and trained people is not strength or size, but distance and reaction speed. This can be used to check and balance the opponent when the difference in the amount of is not huge. .

The layman will say how powerful is the strength and how good the technique is, but when you are really tit for tat in an instant, it depends on whether you are ruthless or happy. This is the key. As I became more “capable of fighting”, there were fewer and fewer people in my life who didn’t speak well, and practicing martial arts gave me the right to speak in more situations.

In 15 years or so, I started to post some videos and feelings of my own learning on Weibo, discussing the topic of women’s self-defense, and people always come to me and say “you should lose weight”. I also posted a photo of my deltoid muscle, and a fan came up and said, “This is too scary.”

But in fact, that was when I was in the best shape. The publicity photos of the yoga studio I opened were all about me. People around me were envious of my body when they saw me.

Yang Yuanli in fitness

Later, for a long time, I stopped emphasizing self-defense. However, in 18 years, there were a lot of news about killing women, and there were 3 or 4 cases within a month. I really couldn’t stand it anymore, and started to talk about women’s self-defense and martial arts on Weibo, and started making self-defense teaching videos.

The first video is to have his teenage son play the assailant, showing how to break free when being dragged away. When the other party grabs one of your hands and wants to drag you away, you just need to fall to the ground, and then lift your foot to kick the middle part of the other’s calf. This place is particularly painful when kicking. More than 10,000 were reprinted after being posted on Weibo.

Self-defense teaching video made by Yang Yuanli

At the time, I didn’t know that no one had done this kind of self-defense teaching before, so I was a bit of a bird without knowing it. As a result, I was particularly tragic by the online violence and received a lot of scolding. There are men and women who scold me. Male sprayers think I will mislead women and harm women. They think that after watching these videos of me, women will rush to desperately when they encounter gangsters. Women will say “I am a woman, and I don’t think you are good either.”

(Even) Those men attacked tirelessly, endlessly @ this, @那 to identify whether my things were useful, scolded me frantically, said they would knock me out and drag me away. After he is deleted, he will be sent everywhere to attract more people to scold me.

It was also after this that I realized that in reality, many girls think that the physical gap between them and boys is huge, and some people even think that men are several times stronger than her. There are still many people who know this way.When they first started making self-defense videos, many women believed that professional female boxers could not beat an ordinary man.

But in my opinion, if an ordinary girl really goes to learn related courses and insists on the frequency of 2 to 3 lessons a week, it will be enough to resist ordinary boys to study hard for three months. According to a study of elite athletes, men’s and women’s lean body masses (that is, the weight of other body components other than fat, and muscles are the main part) are also about 15% worse (this study was conducted by St. Dublin, Ireland). Leaded by James Hospital, 454 male athletes and 239 female athletes volunteered to participate).

In 19 years, some people said that I sold three-day fast-track Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu classes and called my yoga video the Barou technique I taught. At that time, I was hit by the Internet for more than a year because of this incident. I took them to court at that time.

During that time, I didn’t use the Internet very much. When I returned to Weibo in the next 20 years, I found that military self-defense became a hot topic. Almost everyone was discussing it, and many women learned.

The thing about martial arts is not only to teach you how to beat people, it can help women build a sense of security, but also cultivate a person’s personality.

When your body is strong enough and you are not afraid of anyone’s threat of violence, you will experience a sense of power and security, and then a lot of vanity will be broken. For example, if a woman needs a man’s protection and needs to find a man to do heavy work, they will be easily crushed.

I am a very aggressive person myself, and practicing martial arts has helped me develop my aggressiveness to a certain extent. I think it is a very normal thing for women to be aggressive. From the natural point of view, females are inherently very aggressive, because they not only need to protect themselves, but also their sons. But when it comes to humans, women’s aggressiveness becomes a negative and problematic phenomenon.

Once a woman shows offensiveness, others will ask her why and try to understand. I don’t think this matter needs to be understood, just accept it.

Anti-control freak

I am a very powerful person and must have control over every detail of the matter. I basically respond to people who offend me face to face.

Once I bench press 80 kg during training, some people make a fuss about my strength. I was very angry and said there was a fuss about this. If a man pushed it up, you wouldn’t be like this.

This incompatible temperament and keen awareness of being offended and the habit of responding also brought me a little confusion, soI went to the National Level 3 Psychological Counselor Certificate, and from this I have mastered many technical skills that can be used to solve PUA problems.

I have written specific techniques in “How to Counter Control Frenzy” (written in January of this year). Now when I come to my people who break up violence and divorce, I will teach them this set of techniques and teach them how to reverse the situation. , Go to the PUA man, and finally achieve the goal.

The first breakup violence dealt with was to help my second sister get rid of a gangster , The ruffian threatened the second sister that she would kill her if she broke up. After I knew it, I went directly to my second sister and confronted the person with her.

At that time, we wanted to call him out, but he never showed up, so we had to go to the police station to report the case. After being called to the police station by the police, he was still eloquent, saying what to do with my second sister. I turned around and punched him, hitting him with blood, and he was just ashamed. After getting a punch, he didn’t say anything. When the police took him to the detention room, he went to commit a crime with the police because he knew the police would not beat him.

After that, there was no movement from the local ruffians, and even went to work outside. In summary, my experience in dealing with these people is that they are actually very embarrassed, only daring to bully the weak, and run away as soon as they are cleaned up.

After that, I gradually started to do break-up violence and other related consultations (paid). It was only 15 years at that time, about three years before I officially released the self-defense video.

From the very beginning, my goal was very clear, to do divorce consultation and come out consultation. The two are actually the same, nothing more than the difference between dealing with control freak husbands and dealing with control freak parents, and both can use the anti-control control freak set. Because there are a lot of my personal characteristics in this set of practices, I generally only accept customers who know me and trust me completely. When adding me on WeChat, I need to use my book title as a stepping stone.

Most of the clients I found were women who couldn’t take the initiative to escape for various reasons but wanted to divorce. Those who are able to leave will not wait until I help her, and at the same time I will not pick up those who have been abused for more than a decade and have not divorced and are extremely vulnerable.

After receiving customers and understanding the situation, the first thing I want to do is to help them build confidence and power. First of all, I must understand that when there is no power, logical right or wrong cannot determine the direction of things.

But this is a step-by-step process, and it does not happen overnight, allowing a person who has been PUA for many years to take control of sovereignty at once.

In the initial stage, you have to resist and take control of small things, such as rejecting what the other party picks when you eat, and you have to go where you want to go. Through some small things, let customers feel their own master control first, and train customers to resist the other party.

The next stage is to learn to express your thoughts truthfully, and express your anger and dissatisfaction clearly. At this stage, the client must also learn to find loopholes in the other party’s behavior and words, point out the other party’s mistakes, and tell him what to do next time. At this stage, I basically follow up 24 hours a day to understand the communication between the customer and the other party in real time, then find out the loopholes, and teach the customer how to respond.

It is very important to think clearly about the nodes that are offended and that can be counterattacked, and then clearly point out this point.

Psychologically, this point is called a target. For example, some people like to unconsciously commit physical offenses, pulling hair, pulling clothes, pushing, etc., this behavior can be called a target behavior. In order for the client to learn, the target behavior must be clearly pointed out when expressing: “Don’t touch me, you can’t touch anywhere!” After the client has built up a certain degree of personal confidence in front of her husband, this target behavior It will gradually decrease.

Don’t speak in an uncertain tone, and don’t always ask habitually: “Is this not good?” If someone offends you, it is light for you to go back. What is too much?

To achieve this, it is necessary to convince the client to see the fruits of victory at the same time, and let her know that this is really effective. If they were hit, this matter would not be able to continue.

For example, I encourage the client to bravely scold her back when the other party insults her. What weaknesses are better than his weaknesses. As soon as he was counterattacked, the man was dumbfounded, he was so scolded he couldn’t find his way, and he began to “behave”. But a few days later, he reacted, and in the next dispute, he will be tough again. And because the woman has been PUA for a long time, she will panic immediately when she encounters such setbacks.

I want to encourage her again to repeat everything I have done before. Tell her that this is “a very normal phenomenon, if you hit him with a victory pursuit, his arrogance will soon be blown down.” She should also tell her that “this is an iterative process and it takes time to change. It is impossible to say that people PUA you for more than ten years and spent a few days to change this.”

In fact, the so-called dimensionality reduction strike does not exist, and at most there will be some small setbacks. If physical conflict is unavoidable, I can provide them with regular self-defense equipment.

But more people would suggest that they usually do more training to prepare for emergencies. Many of the small skills in self-defense are actually very useful. But I do not encourage the parties to conflict with each other,In the divorce process, I have a “three principles”-never meet with the man alone; the meeting must be in a public place; in the case of a public meeting, you must also find someone to accompany you.

Of course, after analyzing the specific circumstances, my client also attended the appointment alone, but I will give her corresponding advice on how to do it.

There are also some people who are used to being beaten, and they are not aware of the unequal treatment they have suffered. She feels that she loves her when others offend her. At this time, I will use my own feelings to guide her. It takes a year or two for some consultants to correct their feelings.

(After 6 years), all the clients I took have successfully divorced. If the number of successful cases is more than what the customer expects, it is almost 100%. In some cases, there is no common property in itself. It is good for the client to expect to be able to get rid of the male partner. In the end, it is still a small amount of money compared to the net.

Yang Yuanli’s success stories posted on Weibo

Now, I receive about 20 consulting clients every year. Among the people who come to me, 32 years old is the most. In my opinion, this is an age. Almost all women start to change at this age. Perhaps for many women, 32 is the last chance. If you can think clearly at this time, you can get out after struggling, and then it will be very difficult.I also solved the PUA in my last marriage when I was 32 years old.

This phenomenon allowed me to truly understand what is meant by thirty. Literally, your personality truly stands up.

In fact, the divorce cooling-off period was introduced last year. After the formal implementation, there were still a lot of people who came to me for help. Therefore, I am still doing it and plan to do it.

Women need to protect themselves better. I don’t know how many times I have said that a woman has a womb, just like a person who walks at night with an orb. You must practice 18 martial arts and walk this life path carefully.

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